Just a thought- Why is LOVE so complicated? (A personal share)

I observed when people meet through a dating app, their intentions are clear…the expectations are managed. But, when you meet a person you have feelings for or a friendship turns into love, or you admire a person from afar…why is it so difficult to take the first step to ask for more? What’s the worst thing that could happen? Yes, you can be rejected but you will live. Why is it so difficult to express your feelings to another or ask a person out on a date?

A personal share:
I had to express my feelings to a friend that I grew strong feelings for. At first, I was scared to say anything because I was scared to lose the friendship. One morning, I awoke to the knowingness that the time is now, so I confessed my feelings heartily without expecting anything in return. Did I feel scared, nervous, anxious…of course, I did! At that moment, I took a deep breath, then said what I needed to. The person accepted it graciously and asked me questions, which I wasn’t expecting. Yes, emotional maturity did help the situation. We continued to be friends. A few months later I wanted more, I wanted to try for a relationship, so I asked and I was turned down. Did it break my heart? Of course, it did. I was shattered. My gremlins of loathing myself and questioning my self-worth surfaced. My heart ached for a long time. Intellectually, I understood that we live in a world of duality, so for me to experience love, I need to experience a broken heart too. But, it didn’t comfort me. All those self-doubt feelings came into my awareness for me to feel, accept it and work through it which is dissolving. It came to the surface because I was ready to deal with it. How I dealt with it is a story for another time.

In hindsight, would I share my feelings and ask for a relationship again? Most definitely. I found strength and courage deep inside of me that I never knew existed. I allowed myself to explore as opposed to living in “what if…” It was liberating (I’m too old to play games, each moment is of the essence). Also, I healed and grew, realising that rejection is just in the mind, it’s just a thought. I learned that it was not meant to be. I wasn’t able to control the other person, but I was able to control my actions. To date, I am best of friends with this person and have fully accepted the outcome. At the moment of acceptance, I let go energetically, which made space for a new door to be opened. If I had never spoken my truth, I would have continued to hold onto that relationship energetically and not met my soulmate. Ten months later, a beautiful person just dropped out of nowhere into my life and we have been together now for one year.

I learned that relationships are not about getting love or anything else from another, but about bringing your love to the union and growing together. It’s about open honest communication from the heart. It’s about loving oneself first and sharing that with another. I’m still unlearning limiting beliefs around self-love, but I get stronger each day. I like myself enough to explore more and speak my feelings. It did not happen overnight.

In love & light, Gits

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